How To Be Confident When Meeting New People

Meeting new people is always intimidating, but the memory that sticks out the most for me was my time on campus during my freshman year of college.

I moved into a dorm in Boston, living on my own for the first time, and didn’t know a single soul. Even though I was excited to make new friends, in the moment all I wanted to do was lock my door and hide. 

It’s a good thing I got over that because meeting new people is something that happens throughout life—at school, at work, making new friends, going on dates, interviewing for jobs, networking… there’s really no way to avoid it. 

Anxiety about meeting new people is universal. Back in my college dorm room, there were approximately 3,000 other freshmen feeling the exact same way. 

However, if the anxiety becomes too overwhelming, it can prevent you from meeting new people—people who could change the course of your life. 

And there’s another hard truth: Knowing how to act confident in front of new people gets you ahead in life, too (whether or not that’s fair). 

While I still may get butterflies in my stomach when I walk into a room full of people I haven’t yet met, I’ve gotten much better at managing such situations without losing my cool. 

I’ve boiled down my 6 best tips for how to act confident and manage nerves when meeting new people: 

1. First Listen, then Quiet Your Inner Critic

“I’m going to embarrass myself.”

“I’m boring; I have nothing interesting to say.”

“They must think I’m weird.”

“This outfit is all wrong.” 

“That group doesn’t want me to join their conversation.”

“Why is everyone staring at me?” 

“They’re just being nice; they don’t really like me.”

Do you recognize any of these phrases? I sure do—I’ve heard them in my own head countless times. 

I’ll be honest, sometimes I still have these thoughts when I’m preparing to meet new people. But thanks to lots of hard work, I’ve managed to keep the voice quiet enough so that it doesn’t stop me from putting my best foot forward. 

There’s a process I use to do this (and trust me, it’s easier said than done): 

2. How to Get Better at First Impressions

One of the hardest things about meeting new people is the pressure to make a good first impression. It’s inevitable that you’ll make bad impressions on some people in life, and recovering from them isn’t impossible—but it is uncomfortable. 

That’s why a big part of learning how to act confident when meeting new people is building up your “first impression muscles.” Try these tips:

Body language sets the tone

In most situations, the first thing people register about you is your appearance—that’s just how humans work, given that sight is our most prominent sense. 

People will read into your body language, whether or not it indicates how you truly feel. Let’s cover some body language basics: 

Of course, when you’re feeling anxious, it’s natural to want to close yourself off with folded arms, or slouch so you appear small and unapproachable. 

If that’s a problem for you, try practicing in front of a mirror. Set a timer, and see how it feels to hold your body in that position for a few minutes at a time. As you get to know the feeling, it will become easier to tap into when meeting new people. 

If you tend to put your hands in your pockets (this was my problem), try putting something in your pocket as a reminder, like a little trinket or oddly shaped coin. Every time you feel it, it will be a reminder to adjust your posture. 

Gaining confidence in your appearance

Like it or not, what you’re wearing when you meet new people will be part of your first impression. On top of that, if you aren’t feeling comfortable with your outfit at a social or professional event, it will be very hard to muster up confidence. 

You don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars on a new wardrobe or an hour putting on makeup before you go out to meet new people. But putting some thought into your appearance does help cultivate a bit of personal style, so you have go-to outfits you can rely on to feel your best and leave a good impression. 

I’ve written an entire article on how to look cool while still being genuine, so check that out if you want to read more about feeling confident in your appearance. 

3. Conversational skills: Saying the right things

Making a good first impression is step one, but sooner or later, you’re going to have to start talking to people. 

You can check out my full guide on how to hold conversations that build meaningful connections, but let’s cover some specifics for those first-time meetings.

Small talk is a doorway, not a dead end

A lot of people dread meeting new people because they’re dreading the small talk that comes with it. And fair enough—it can feel awkward and performative, like you’re just killing time until the conversation gets interesting.

But small talk doesn’t have to be a dead end; it’s more like a doorway. Talking about the weather might seem like the most boring possible opener, but it can lead somewhere real—where someone grew up, a trip they took, a place they’ve always wanted to live. The surface-level stuff is just the entry point.

You can also take some control over small talk by coming prepared with better questions. Not off-the-wall ones that put people on the spot—”What’s your biggest fear?” is probably not the move at a networking event. But something a little more specific than “How are you?” is a good idea. Try “What are you working on lately?” or “What brought you to this event?” These questions are easy to answer but open-ended enough to actually go somewhere.

The goal is to treat small talk as the warm-up, not the main event. Once you reframe it that way, it becomes a lot less intimidating.

Listening is more important than talking

It’s easy to be anxious about what you’re going to say in a group with new people, but that can become a trap. You can become so focused on what’s coming out of your own mouth that you fail to listen to others—and listening is the real key to being a memorable and lovable conversationalist. 

Here’s my walkthrough of how to overcome what’s known as passive listening.

Reading the room and between the lines

Above, I talked about the importance of your own body language. But reading other people’s body language is equally essential. People will show you how they are responding to what you are saying and doing by how they act—if they maintain eye contact, smile at you, and turn toward you, those are all good signs that you’re making a good impression. The absence of those signs might be an indication that it’s time to change subjects or let someone else speak. 

Here’s my guide on learning how to read between the lines at work.

Talking about yourself: The balancing act

You definitely want to spend some time talking about yourself when you’re meeting new people—but you need to balance this by spending roughly the same amount of time listening to others. When you do talk about yourself, focus on being honest and true, rather than puffing yourself up or playing down your strengths and skills. Show people who you really are, because let’s face it—you can’t be anyone else! 

Don’t short-circuit the conversation

One of the easiest ways to kill a budding conversation is to give one-word answers. Someone asks where you’re from, you say the name of your city and leave it at that. Conversation over.

The fix is simple, even if it takes some practice. Think of it like the “yes and” rule from improv comedy—when someone lobs something your way, you catch it, and then throw something back. Answer the question, then add something that keeps the ball in the air. When they ask, “Where are you from?” tell them, then mention something interesting about it, ask if they’ve been there, or flip the question back to them.

The goal isn’t to talk more for the sake of it. It’s to give the other person something to work with, so the conversation has room to breathe and go somewhere neither of you expected.

4. Handling awkward moments: The graceful exit

It would be nice if life was like a sitcom, where everyone had witty one-liners and there was a laugh track to fill the awkward silences. 

But in real life, things aren’t so smooth. You’ll put your foot in your mouth, or misunderstand someone, and there will be lots of awkward silences. 

Though inevitable, there are certain things you can do to minimize and move on from these uncomfortable moments.

I’ve got some basic tips below, but this topic is covered extensively in these two articles:

How to Deal With Uncomfortable Situations
The Secret to Handling Awkward Conversations

Choose engaging conversation topics

When choosing a topic of conversation, make sure it’s inclusive to everyone in the group you’re talking to.

For example, imagine you’re at a party with a group of five or six people. You realize that for the last few minutes, you and one other person have been talking non-stop about your shared love of football, while everyone else has remained silent, walked off, or started talking amongst themselves. 

If you see your conversation partner(s) starting to lose interest, steer it in another direction. 

One important note: When it comes to conversation, “controversial” is not the same thing as “engaging.” Avoid politics and religion as a matter of course, and if you have even an inkling that something you’re about to say might offend someone, just refrain from saying it altogether.

Awkward silence happens

There’s nothing quite like the tension of an awkward silence. It hangs in the air, and suddenly you’re hyper-aware of every little sound. You might be tempted to jump in and fill the silence—and if you have something you’ve been wanting to contribute to the conversation, this could be your moment. 

If not, it’s better to let the silence hang for a moment, as uncomfortable as that may be, rather than say something just to fill the gap. Try taking a deep, quiet breath in and out—chances are, by the time you do this, either someone else will have picked up the conversation, or you’ll have thought of something to say.

How to pivot or exit

If you find yourself in a conversation that’s turned sour, it’s important to know how to pivot. One technique is to return to a previously successful conversation topic with a new angle or question, or a new topic altogether.

If that fails, knowing how to exit gracefully can save both face and future opportunities. A simple “It was great meeting you, but I have to run,” works wonders.

5. Recovering from a bad first impression

It happens to everyone. You stick your foot in your mouth, talk too much, or say something that lands wrong—and you can feel the energy shift. The good news is that a bad first impression isn’t a death sentence for a new relationship. You can recover, either in the moment or the next time you see them.

When you catch it early

If you can feel things going sideways in real time, sometimes the best move is to just call it out. It doesn’t have to be a big dramatic moment—a simple “I’m sorry, I think we got off on the wrong foot. Can we start over?” is usually enough to reset the tone. Most people appreciate the self-awareness, and it often breaks the tension faster than trying to power through.

When you get a second chance

Not every recovery happens on the spot. Sometimes you don’t realize how a conversation went until you’re heading home, replaying it in your head. In that case, the next time you see the person is your opportunity. Depending on how things went, you might acknowledge it directly (“Hey, I felt like I was all over the place last time we talked.”) Other times, a direct acknowledgment isn’t necessary. You can simply show up differently—more relaxed, more present, more curious about them—and let that do the work.

6. Following up: The art of staying connected

You met, you talked, you survived the awkward silences. But meeting new people is just the first step. You have to keep that connection alive, and that’s where a lot of us drop the ball. 

There’s no universal rule about when and how you should follow up, but generally, you don’t want to wait too long. You’re freshest in others’ minds right after you’ve met, so strike while the iron’s hot. 

In some cases, you can send a reply within an hour or two of the meeting—such as a quick text to say “Nice meeting you!” or a short thank-you note to a job interviewer. 

Other times, it’s safe to wait a day or two, so you don’t come off as too pushy or eager. It’s a balancing act, but with enough practice, you’ll learn to get the timing right. 

Using technology to your advantage

Not long ago, keeping in touch with someone you’d just met required a lot more effort—running into them again, making elaborate plans, or hoping you’d end up in the same place at the same time. These days, staying connected is much easier, but that doesn’t mean you should throw caution to the wind.

The key is using technology as a bridge while the relationship is still finding its footing. A well-timed follow on Instagram or a quick reaction to someone’s story can feel natural and low-pressure—a way of saying “hey, I remember you” without the formality of a planned hangout. That kind of light touch can keep you on someone’s radar while giving the connection room to develop organically.

Where people tend to go wrong is by flooding someone with their presence all at once. Following them on every platform, texting frequently before you’ve built that rapport, or jumping straight into making big plans can come across as overwhelming—even if your intentions are good. 

On the flipside, you can also fall into the trap of using digital communication to forever delay meeting up again IRL. That’s not the goal here either. Think of technology as a support system for the relationship, not a replacement for the real-world moments that will actually build it.

It’s natural to feel nervous when meeting new people, and there’s probably nothing you can do to completely eliminate your nerves.

Practicing the tactics I’ve laid out in this article will help you improve so that each time it gets easier and easier. Soon enough, you’ll know how to act confident no matter what situation you’re in, paving the way for new relationships and opportunities.