How To Bounce Back From Failure (Try These Practical Exercises)

There’s only one way to learn how to bounce back from failure. And that’s to fail enough times to figure it out.

Take it from me—I’m in my late 30s, and I’ve failed enough times to fill a (very sad) book. 

Speaking of which, my most recent failure has to do with an actual book I’m writing. 

I applied to a competitive year-long memoir writing program. I poured my heart into it, spending countless hours crafting the perfect sample and agonizing over every application question.

I enlisted my favorite teachers to back me up with glowing recommendations. 

They were confident I’d get in. I was too.

Then came the rejection email. Cue the emotional rollercoaster: disappointment, confusion, self-doubt. 

Those old and familiar feelings don’t go away, but they didn’t dominate me like they would have a few years ago. I’ve been rejected, stumbled, and face-planted enough times to have some perspective on how to bounce back from failure.

That’s what this article is all about—how to bounce back from failure, whether it’s a rejected application, a botched job interview, an awkward social interaction, or a project that went sideways.

I’m not the originator of these strategies, nor are these the only ways you can develop resiliency. But these are the methods that work for me, put in practical terms anyone can access.

 

Resilience: The strangest superpower

It’s impossible to talk about how to bounce back from failure without touching on the concept of resilience. 

In short, resilience is the mental and emotional strength you tap into in moments of strife. Using your resilience, you can adapt to change and overcome failure. 

I’ve written about lots of important personal qualities—how to be more detail oriented, or easy going, or funny, or confident. But unlike those traits, in order to develop resilience, you have to go through failure first. 

Talk about a bittersweet superpower. 

The key is to see failure as an opportunity to build resilience. If you can get into that mindset, then you’ll have a much easier time building up this vital soft skill when you face your next failure. 

How to bounce back from failure

Below are the strategies I use to help me build resilience. I have included practical exercises for each method. Feel free to adapt these or develop your own strategies for overcoming failure. (And be sure to share what works for you in the comments!) 

 

Prepare for failure (but don’t obsess over it)

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re going to fail. 

It’s inevitable. No matter how talented, hardworking, or lucky you are, you’re going to face setbacks at some point—probably many points on your life journey. 

One way to soften the blow of failure is to prepare for it. But warning, this can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think about failure to the point of anxious obsession, you are setting yourself up for failure. 

At the same time, completely ignoring the possibility of failure will leave you blindsided and ill-prepared when things don’t go as planned.

The key is to find some middle ground, where you can acknowledge that failure is one of many possible outcomes. It makes sense to have a contingency plan for all of the most likely outcomes—including those that feel like failure.  

I am not asking you to list out every possible negative outcome and pick them apart. Instead, focus on self-kindness and preparedness. Here’s an exercise to show you what I mean:

 

✍️  Practical exercise: Scenario mapping

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Here’s a practical way to prepare for various outcomes without getting stuck in negative thinking.

For example, if you’re applying for a job, your scenarios might look like this:

Now, under each scenario, jot down your action plan. Your chart might look like this: 

This short list balances positive and negative outcomes, and having a general plan will give you a confidence boost, no matter which scenarios come true. 

With a list like this, you won’t see failure as a reason to throw in the towel altogether, because you already have a plan for how to keep moving ahead—even if that plan is indulging in ice cream to make yourself feel better.

 

Analyze your failure (but only after you’ve felt your feelings)

If you’re like me, your first instinct upon failure might be to immediately dive into what went wrong. Obsessively picking apart the problem helps me ignore the pain of failure.  

But I’ve learned to pump the breaks. Failure naturally comes with a wide range of emotions, and you can’t do any genuine analysis of the failure until you’ve processed those first. 

When you fail, it is normal to feel disappointment, sadness, frustration, confusion, and anger. These aren’t pleasant emotions, but they are inevitable, and trying to ignore them will slow down the process of building resilience. 

Everyone deals with these emotions differently. You may talk with family, friends, or a therapist, channel your emotions into a workout routine, scribble in a journal, or scream from a mountaintop. You might need a day to overcome your feelings, or a month. Don’t rush it. 

Once you’ve given yourself that space, then you’re ready for honest reflection. Do not use this as an excuse to beat yourself up. Instead, imagine yourself as a private investigator, sent to gather the facts about what happened so you can make a plan for what comes next. 

 

✍️  Practical exercise: The failure autopsy

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Get out a pen and paper, and start answering these questions. Don’t overthink them—write what comes to mind and move on to the next question when you’ve said all you have to say. 

Questions to ask:

When you’ve answered each question, close the notebook or document and leave it be for a few days. Let your brain tumble through your investigative report on its own, while you go about your normal business. 

In a few days or weeks, return to your questions. Review the answers and note any changes or additions you want to make. Finally, answer one more question: 

Write out a list of what you can do differently next time, based on all your analysis; this will help you bounce back even faster when you face adversity again.

 

Seek feedback (and actually listen to it)

Failure and rejection go hand in hand, and coping with rejection is no easy feat. It’s much easier to become defensive, or to change course rather than face up to our failures. 

But if you can actually learn something from failure, is it really a failure at all? Or just an uncomfortable but effective method of learning something new? 

If you can adopt this mindset, then seeking feedback becomes much easier. You’ll be able to actively listen, rather than trying to come up with a defense in your head. 

When you listen without reacting, you’ll discover new insights that you can’t gather on your own. Those insights can be incredibly useful in your quest for resilience. 

When seeking feedback, be open about your desire to learn and improve. Then, get specific. Instead of a vague, “What did I do wrong?”, try asking targeted questions like, “How could I have improved my presentation skills?” or “What specific qualifications did the chosen candidate have that I lacked?” 

Remember, the goal of feedback isn’t to make you feel better (though sometimes it might). It’s to help you grow and improve. So brace yourself for some potentially uncomfortable truths.

 

✍️  Practical exercise: The feedback loop

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Immediately after the session, write down:

A week later, review your notes and reflect:

This exercise helps you gather diverse perspectives, process the information objectively, and turn it into actionable steps.

 

Practice self-forgiveness (as your long game)

I saved the hardest tip for last. 

This is the one I’m still working on, and the one I think most people struggle with. 

Bouncing back from failure ultimately means doing something that sounds so simple, but is so hard: practicing self-compassion. 

It’s so easy to allow our inner critic to hold us responsible for our failures. We will replay our shortcomings over and over in our minds, stuck in a loop. But beating yourself up in this way doesn’t help you bounce back—it only keeps you stuck.

Self-forgiveness is not something that comes naturally to most people. It is a process that can take weeks, months, or years. 

First, you must accept what happened. (That alone can be hard!) 

Then you must let go of the guilt or shame you feel from the failure. 

Many of the exercises we’ve covered here are going to help you with this mission. Being objective, reflective, and curious about failure is one way to avoid wallowing in guilt. 

Self-forgiveness isn’t an ability you pick up overnight. It must be constantly practiced; but the sooner you begin practicing it, even if it feels strange or uncomfortable, the better. 

Try writing down the guilt-based thoughts you’re having. Read them over, and think about what you would say if you caught someone saying those same things about someone you love. Talk back to your own inner critic in the same way, defending yourself from those negative thoughts. It may feel silly, but I encourage you to try saying those defenses out loud. 

I also recommend keeping a list of successes and achievements you can turn to whenever you are feeling shame or guilt from failure. It’s much easier for our brains to recall our mistakes than our wins, so give yourself an advantage by recording your triumphs somewhere you can easily access them. 

I’ve got one more practical exercise below, but I also recommend checking out these resources or more tips on this vital practice: 

 

✍️  Practical exercise: Letter from your future self

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Imagine yourself six months or a year from now. You’ve made it past this setback, and now you’ve sat down to write your past self (aka present-day you) a letter. 

In this letter, your future self will reflect on this failure. Even if you don’t know how things will shake out, you can use this letter to: 

This process requires some imagination, but it can provide comfort, even if you still walk away with many unknowns. 

When you’re done writing, put the letter away and come back to it months or a year later. See how close your future self was to what really happened, and I bet you’ll be surprised at how strong your intuition was.

 

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Failure is inevitable, and often completely out of your control. But you can control the way you respond to failure. Dusting yourself off after a setback takes self-kindness and patience. Each time you do it, you’ll be building up your resilience so you can handle whatever life throws your way.