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Self-knowledge is underrated.
Understanding your emotions, thoughts, and feelings—along with the experiences that have shaped who you are—is a secret advantage in life. Self-awareness (or a lack of it) can impact your relationships, career, and happiness.
But getting to know yourself takes work. Like most worthwhile things do…*sigh*
Before I share some questions to get to know yourself better, let’s take a closer look at why it matters in the first place.
Why is self-awareness important?
When considering the question, “How do I make my life better?” a lot of us wouldn’t immediately turn to self-knowledge as a solution.
Here are 3 ways that knowing yourself can help you live a more fulfilling life.
Knowing yourself will help you maintain healthy relationships
Research shows that people with greater self-knowledge are more likely to have more closely connected relationships compared to their counterparts who don’t.
Uncovering your quirks, strengths, and weaknesses can help you develop self-respect and self-love. As you become comfortable in your own skin and true to yourself, you’ll be more self-assured and genuine in your interactions with those around you.
Better relationships start by having a good relationship with yourself.
Pay attention to the little things. For example, if you often need time alone to recharge, you can choose friends and partners who respect your need for space.
This could be something as simple as taking a 10-minute walk during a get-together or taking a break from the group during a family event. Establishing boundaries that are important to you starts with understanding yourself.
Related:
You’ll make better career choices when you understand yourself
If we take the time to reflect on who we are, we can more honestly assess:
- Our passions
- Our skills
- What careers might be a good match
That doesn’t mean you have to have it all figured out from day one. Knowing yourself is an ongoing journey, one you should continue exploring throughout your life.
Yu Dan Shi, a strength psychology expert, highlights how her journey of career and personal growth began by understanding how to make the most of her strengths.
Instead of giving up on my career, I needed to give up my non-strengths and let my natural strengths in. Natural strengths are the things we are good at and come to us naturally. When we use them, we feel like we are in our element, work becomes interesting. Every day I turned up at work trying to be somebody I was not. I was good at what I did but most didn’t come to me naturally. This is why I felt so unauthentic and it was exhausting.
Those kinds of realizations and “aha!” moments require self-awareness.
Universities, too, are leaning into self-knowledge when it comes to helping graduates thrive in the workforce. For example, Duke University’s Career Development Process begins with getting to know yourself, starting with figuring out your interests, strengths, and skills.
Related:
When you’re more connected to yourself, you’ll live a happier life
While it’s difficult to measure the correlation between knowing yourself and happiness, a growing body of research supports the link between self-connection and overall well-being.
It’s like memorizing your favorite recipe: The more you’ve practiced making it, the easier that dish becomes to assemble. Similarly, a deep self-knowledge can help you—thoughtfully and intentionally—build a fulfilling life.
Knowing yourself, and prioritizing what matters most, empowers you to make the best choices for YOU.
Related:
Why getting to know yourself isn’t easy
I don’t know about you, but I find Tim Urban’s graphic on getting to know yourself so relatable:
I mean, it SEEMS like it should be easy. You are, after all, the one person you’ve been around your entire life.
Here are just a few reasons why we hesitate to truly know ourselves:
- It requires being brutally honest with yourself
- You have to face your own flaws and insecurities
- It often means revisiting past experiences and choices
- You have to own the bad, along with the good
- You don’t want to challenge old beliefs or habits
- Sometimes it’s uncomfortable
- You have to make time for reflection
- Focusing on your own wants and needs can be tricky (particularly if you’re a people pleaser)
(☝️Have some more to add? Share them in the comments!)
Pushing past these hang-ups and taking the time to know yourself can spark new possibilities and pave the way to make positive changes in your life, which is why I’m excited to share…
10 things to learn about yourself to live your best life
Strengths and weaknesses. Meaningful experiences. Really difficult circumstances or seasons of life. Inherent personality traits.
Our “self” is complex. So many factors contribute to who we become.
Ready to start scratching the surface of the real, true you?
Get comfy, grab a pen and paper, and don’t hold anything back. This process is for your benefit, so write down anything that feels relevant—don’t overthink it.
These 10 questions to get to know yourself will help you reflect on who you are and what you want in life.
1. What do you value most in life?
Our values guide how we interact with others, approach life situations, and build relationships.
Think of personal values: for example, honesty, justice, equality.
But also in terms of life priorities: for example, friendship, stability, climbing the corporate ladder, traveling.
Understanding what you value most—and in what order—will help you make both the everyday choices (that all add up) as well as major life decisions.
2. What are your goals?
Picture yourself when you were younger and who you are now. Do your goals from when you were nine or ten years old look the same as they do now?
Understanding how your goals have evolved, and how they connect to your journey of growth, can help you gain clarity and perspective. Goals are a window into your motivations, potential, and purpose.
3. What brings you joy?
Think of times you’ve experienced joy, whether attending a sporting event, finishing a difficult project, or graduating from college.
When you think back on that feeling of elation, what commonalities do those experiences share? Are there people or things in your life TODAY that still spark that feeling?
Awareness of what brings you joy will help you be more intentional about building a life that makes more room for delight.
4. What makes you cringe?
Cringy events have become almost a subculture of social media, and can be difficult to avoid.
For me, watching a YouTube video where someone looks straight into the camera and drones on about a topic can be pretty cringeworthy. And I definitely suffer secondhand embarrassment when a character on my favorite TV show does something awkward.
Those examples are minor offenders, but other things can be deal breakers for relationships—like being too attached or love-bombing a person.
Knowing what makes you cringe matters for the small things (like being more selective about TikTok content) or big things (choosing how much time you spend with someone based on their personality and character).
You can also use this knowledge to improve your relationships with others, by understanding what they might find cringeworthy and avoiding those things around them.
5. Are you introverted or extroverted?
Being introverted or extroverted isn’t as simple as saying, “I’ll stay home on Saturdays,” or “Wow, I love going to these public events!” Knowing yourself and whether you’re introverted or extroverted can help you understand what you need in certain situations (that might otherwise bring you stress and anxiety).
Ask yourself, where do you get your energy from?
- Being around other people
- Spending time alone
Some people, such as myself, find it difficult to operate in large group scenarios for consistently long periods. Others are more keen on being active in social circles and enjoy more frequent or longer group interactions. Understanding the way you operate is an important step in getting your own needs met.
6. What are your strengths?
Dig deeper than a surface-level answer when writing down your strengths. List everything you’re good at. It could be something related to your job (your analytical mind or coding skills), or the homefront (you’re a fantastic cook) or your personal relationships (making people feel appreciated).
It doesn’t matter whether it’s a soft skill or a hard skill, list anything that comes to mind.
No one is good at everything. Think about ways to make the most of your strengths and develop them further. When you practice and improve on your natural abilities, you’ll be more likely to achieve success in your personal and professional life.
7. What are your weaknesses?
Everyone has areas in which they can grow. And weaknesses are not necessarily bad. Having the strength of writing but being a poor live interviewer doesn’t make you a bad journalist. If you can identify areas to improve, you can work toward getting better.
For example, I don’t always know how to fix something when it breaks at my house. My solution might be to call a friend, watch a YouTube video, or search the web for help. Knowing this about myself taught me to do a little research before jumping into action.
Knowing your weaknesses is the first step in building new strengths. By understanding my own capabilities and limitations, I can find the best solution and fix the real issue. At the same time, having a better grasp of your weaknesses can also give you clarity on when it’s time to change course (and move toward your strengths).
8. What makes you laugh?
Laughter is often thought of as “the best medicine.” While its pharmaceutical properties may be a little exaggerated, cracking a good smile can improve your mood.
Do you have a favorite meme that makes you laugh every time? Maybe a YouTube video you enjoy watching? Jokes, videos, and games can be good fun—and can be even better with like-minded company. Having self-awareness about your own humor can help you find others who share it.
9. What makes you sad?
Understanding what makes you sad can help you discover your core values.
For example, let’s say you tear up at the thought of a dog suffering. You value living things and caring for vulnerable animals who can’t speak for themselves. You determine this is one value that will guide behaviors and decisions in your life. You decide to make a regular donation to an animal shelter and one day adopt a rescue dog.
Knowing what makes you sad can also increase awareness of your own emotional triggers, boost your emotional intelligence, and help you grow as a person. When you prioritize (and have a better understanding of) your mental health, you help yourself and those around you.
10. What inspires you?
What lights your fire? Inspiration is a powerful force.
It can help you achieve your goals, live a more fulfilling life, and make a difference in the world.
Books, role models, nature—there are endless sources of inspiration.
Asking good questions is the first step in your self-knowledge journey
Make self-reflection a regular habit. Don’t stop asking questions that inspire, challenge, and move you. As you continue getting to know yourself, you’ll gain clarity. You’ll make better choices—ones that are aligned with your values and ideals.
And the more you live in alignment with your truest self, the more you’ll experience inner peace, happiness, and fulfillment.